yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize