I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
