There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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