New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I came so hard my ears popped.
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