I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
