Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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