Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
