That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
