I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
