Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
