me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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