I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
