she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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