Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
