Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
