My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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