are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
