This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
