I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
