Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
