Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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