my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
