Swine flu. Run for my life!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
