I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
