Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
