Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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