I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
im on a boat
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