One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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