Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
