I heard we made out
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
