Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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