I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
