My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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