oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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