so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
