He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize