Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
