There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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