Where is the hickey?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
