He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
