so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize