Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
