I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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