my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
