Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
