At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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