my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
