i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
