Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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