is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
