We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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