I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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