office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
