Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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