some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
