That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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