Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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