Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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