does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
