K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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