i think i recognize dicks better than faces
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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