When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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