Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
someone owes me an orgasm
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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