nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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